24-hour Talk

6:00 am.

Mother: (on the phone with father) She’s awake. Your daughter is awake.

Dolen hurry up! Your father wants to talk to you.

Dolen: (what could be so important at this early hour that it could not wait?) Yup. Let me just finish here. (in the bathroom)

Father: Hi, Good morning my dear.

Dolen: Good morning dad. (still confused whats happening)

Father: I wanted to talk to you about your options. You are already a grown woman right?

Dolen: Yes. ( Confused###)

Father: I have been thinking about this. And i just want to give it away. I am giving you my blessing if you want to get married with John.

Dolen: (WTF? Is this for real?) Really?

Father: Yes, I think that you are old enough. Besides, you have been together for many years. I just want to silence every man that judges my child for her actions. Since you’ve been going home with him, i believe it is time for you to tie the knot.

Dolen: (stunned) Okay dad. Thank You.

Father: I have to make sure that you know what you want. Do you know what you want?

Dolen: Yes dad.

Father: Do you want to get married?

Dolen: Yes dad. It’s either him or no man.

Father: That’s good then. People have been wondering how all of the years you never conceived a child. You know its’s not healthy to take meds for that.

Dolen: No! I never touched that stuff. I dont use contraceptives. It is not healthy.

Father: Are you sure? Because it can cause to infertility you know.

Dolen: Dad, i never use or even touched that stuff.

Father.: Okay then. I just need to talk to you and John. Maybe after work?

Dolen: Yes dad.

Father: Speaking, tell John to stop hating on his parents. Tell him to remove all the hate and forgive. It is not good for him. it is not good for anyone to hold a grudge especially against parents. His mother can get over it because she did not rear John, so all that’s left to hurt is him alone, John. Tell him to stop the hate.

Dolen: Yes dad. I will.

Father: I think you should also talk with John’s grandmother Ina. She will have her answer and guide you in your steps. Talk to her.

Dolen: Yes dad.

Father: So i’ll see you later, anak.

Dolen: Yes dad. Thank you. Ingat.

—–Beep Beep Beep

John:Good morning.

Dolen: Good morning too.

John: Coffee?

Dolen: Enjoy.

John: Are you going out today?

Dolen: Maybe later. Y?

John: Just asking.

Dolen: Aren’t you going to open your shop today? I want to come visit.

John: Yes, Im waiting for my aunt to pay.

Dolen: Okay.

John: Turns out she’s not coming. I cant open the shop today. Im heading home.

Dolen: Thats just pffft.

—-Ring ring ring

Imee: Hello

Mother: Hello, are you done with your work out?

Imee: Yes I am.

Mother: I tried reaching you from your previous account but it didnt work.

Imee: Yes i changed my account.

Mother: Ah, Okay. I called regarding the two. Your son and my daugther.

Imee: What about them, manang?

Mother: I think we should let them be married. I think it is time. My husband thinks its also time.

Imee: Ah, really?

Mother: Yes, people seem to be bothered by their actions. Let’s put it at rest. They are old enough anyway. My daughter just finished school which is the only reason I had and now its gone.

Imee: its good then.

Mother: My husband was going to come and see you on Sunday to talk about this matter but it seems that you already have an appointment by then. So I just called.

Imee: Yes, manang. Anyway, we’ll meet here any other time.

Mother and Imee (Chismis)

—–Ring Ring Ring

Abi: Hello?

Dolen: Hi!

Abi: Wow. So you’re getting married huh?

Dolen: hahahaha. yup, i am, manang.

Abi: Eishhhh. Its still too early. I was planning for you to come here in Davao.

Dolen: Hahaha.

Abi: Seriously, you are getting married? Are you ready? Do you think you can do it?

Dolen: Yes, manang. You think I cant?

Abi: I dont know, but i think its still early. Are you not going to pursue your profession?

Dolen: Ofcourse I am.

Abi: Wasnt John trying to apply to go back to Korea?

Dolen: He is. But we still can do those things. It is stilk part of the plan.

Abi: Okay then. I just want to warn you. Just look at me and your manong Den. A silent guy like that turned to a demon.

Dolen: Manong Den just lost his way. I hope John already lost all his urges to look the other way or do foolish things.

Abi: Ah. Lets hope then.

Dolen: How is Chuwa? What’s she doing?

Abi: She’s here. She’s watching telly.

Dolen: Can i talk to her?

Abi: (trying to call Chu) she’s preoccupied. she doesnt want to be disturbed.

Dolen: Really. How come you already knew about the marriage when I didnt even know about it til I woke up at an early hour?

Abi: Mom’s word travels fast. Xen and I were shocked.

Dolen: Hahaha. We all knew where it would be heading right?

Abi: We didnt expect it to be this early. How did dad take it?

Dolen: It was actually his idea. I just woke up this morning with the news of him giving his blessing.

Abi: Ah. Thats what i was worried about the first time you said you wanted to get married. Daddy. I worried what he would do. But since he was the one who said that. Then its good.

Dolen: Yes

Abi: Your butt might by flying with joy now huh.

Dolen: I was actually speechless at the time. I dont know if Id laugh, doubt the idea or cry. I dont know.

Abi: Mixed emotions. Its normal. Well, all i can say is that you have to to be ready. you have to learn how to be a wife and stand up for your family. be strong and be ready. are you ready?

Dolen: Yes, i think so. We’ll see and hope for the best.

Abi: indeed.

—–Beep Beep Beep

John: What are you doing?

Dolen: On my way out.

—-Beep Beep Beep

Mother: It late. Come home and bring John.

Dolen: Coming.

—-Beep Beep Beep

Father: Hello

Dolen: Hi dad! Let’s eat!

Father: Yes, enjoy your dinner.

Dolen: Here’s John. (moving the phone towards John)

Father: John arent you going to eat?

John: No uncle. (have no idea of whats happening form the start)

Dolen: He’s on a diet.

Father: Ah, okay. I called you here John so we could talk.

John: (nganga *confused)

Father: I just want to give you my blessing if you ever plan to get married.

John: (?nganga *confused + something)

Father and John Convo. . .

Addiction, how would my world be without you.

Cigarette, alcohol, computer, money, gambling, sex and love. This has been a cruel part of my life. Though I don’t drink, play computer games that much, nor gamble, these were still part of me.

My father is businessman, he is also a straight A gambler. Don’t get me wrong, he is successful in both “” so he never missed to feed our needs. Growing up, he and my mother gave more than what i and my siblings needed. He never held anything back giving, spending unless it’s obviously unnecessary. With those traits, there are also instances I had never realized  I hated until now.

First, he would come home so late. Secondly, he might have broken wedding vows on the way. He has a bad temper. He is demanding. He is the boss. I never knew who my father really is, just a strict dad until I was of age to talk sincerely with my mother. These days, she can tell stories about her life with my father before. I still remember, there was a time that they almost separated, reason I never get to ask but my mom is a strong gal.

Things would be better if my dad was not a gambler i say to myself, but the problem is, all 12 of them are cardmates. 12 brothers and sisters, yup my dad and his siblings all play the same toy, CARDS. Growing up, I always hated seeing them all serious gambling while we were taking care of their kids. I was 8 when I started to babysit one of their kids, until now. I hated that they forget their time, they do not go home, they forget their kids, not even wondering if they already eaten and what I hate the most, they were and are all like bosses. They would order around for water, coffee, food and other things when they can do it themselves if they would just pause for a minute from gambling.

So there, when people saw me and ask who I am, they think i’d be good at gambling because of my last name. 😦

Right now, my dad is not in good shape when it comes to finance. He gave up his business, turned it over to my older brother but he still continued gambling. He loses most of the time so now he doesn’t have money some days. And I do not appreciate because he is in charge of me when it comes to allowance, most days he’s broke. So i have to manage. My mom’s in charge of my two sisters and their tuition is not cheap. I know my father is trying to make the best of what he can now, he’s now a chauffeur, but sometimes he gets tired and lazy to work.

I thought to myself, “I don’t want this life for my future family. I can’t let that be.”

My next case becomes my boyfriend. I know he wants a good life for us, but the problem is he can not make it happen. He just can’t. He gives up easily, gets tired easily, bored, unsatisfied, lazy.

He went to Korea for two months, he could have stayed there but he chose to return, deep inside i would like to think the reason is me. So i blame myself. Now, it;s hard for him to go back. His visa got denied. He got to wait 6 months to apply again, but they say it will be impossible so now it’s stuck, never processed for 6 months. So he put up a business while waiting but then kicked himself out from his partner cause they had a fall out.

Back then while he still got his business, he treated me like shit. He would get drunk a lot. Every night! He talk to his friends behind my back, I was just anyone to him. Back then, when he was with his friends, he would ignore me. Completely ignoring my call, my messages, my presence, he only saw me as someone who should help him serve his costumers. I didn’t say a lot to him, until I just had enough.

I wanted to be away from him. I ignored his texts, calls. I wanted him to feel what I feel. But I forgave him, his sorry only lasted for a day.

After his break-up with his friends in the business, I know he’s frustrated, but I just wish he could just keep his cool and do something good with his time. He has all the time in the world, but all he thinks about is money. So he GAMBLES!

He can’t make it go away. He promises he’ll stop. He brakes every time. He lies for it every time. He has this tricycle so he can get a little money out of it but he just can’t save. He would gamble all of it. He would lose all of it.

I run a little online shop nowadays, sometimes I need money when I’m short on purchase. When I ask him for money, he makes all excuses. I just pass each one by and look for somewhere else to borrow money from. But when he asks for money, there should be no as an answer which i hate the most! i g=fucking hate that there he is, he can get some dough if he wants if he just do what he is supposed to do! I hate that my business is now at it;s worst because he can not pay back what he borrowed!!!! which he can if he just work and stop gambling and stop being lazy and stop thinking about sex all the time!!!!!

sometimes i think he only see me as a partner in bed! he sure does not think of me when he hits big time on the gambling table, or win just a small amount! He does not even talk to me or honest with me! No! he thinks about his friends! his drinking buddies! when he has money he forgets about me and comes back when he is empty! what the fuck world!!!????

he plans to give up gambling and play computer instead! that fired me up! I can’t even  say anything but be angry! Computer Games? come on! I broke up with my ex because he’s a computer addict, he was there! he knew that. I told him that. No time, no communication! No progress! Computer games my ass!

hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh……

exhale.

My friend got married last week, of course I was jealous. She married this Korean Lawyer who proposed to me first for courtship but I turned him down and pointed him towards my friend and now they’re married!

I thought, “when can it be my turn? They are lucky.”

My boyfriend kept on asking my hand in marriage in a un-gentleman, un-special, un-prepared, un-official way. All these years I’ve waited for him to ask me that, but not how I imagined. I imagined we finished college, we have jobs, we saved up, we had money, each of us steady.  I should just say yes to every time he pops it up but what can we start our life with together? no money, no job, no house, no nothing. I don’t like that, i would still think of myself special and deserve more, thank you very much. He’s a gambler, he’s most of the time lazy, he gives up hope too easy. He means well in everything he plans but still get to screw everything up.

I cant’t let myself go through that life. No way sir.

I’ve been waiting for him since the first I Love You to make a life for himself, so he can share it with me if he wants me. I still hope for him to change and be better, for the both of us..Please God give him hope and give me strength.

 

What is this blog all about?

it’s just what i’m made for .

I am called by name Suzelle. Originally, it came from my grandmother’s name “Suzanne” but my mom and dad added something to make it a little unique I guess. I decided to log on to a blog to write things about my life that is worth remembering and too influential for me to forget. More or less, it may also be just about me. Welcome!

i took this picture and my boyfriend seem to had fun editing it.